I am married to an extremely controlling woman. This is my third marriage, her first and she is significantly younger than I am. My first marriage was lengthy and ended because we grew separate over the years. My second was a VERY brief “rebound” marriage, frankly a big mistake. My present marriage has been a series of great times, events, holidays and intimacy surrounded by violent outbursts, violence and domestic abuse on both sides. I will freely admit that I have taken the necessary steps to protect myself, my spouse is not a small woman and she is easily put into a “narcissistic rage” (she has many of the warning signs of classic narcissism). Our most recent episode was instigated by me telling her “not so politely” to shut-up while on the phone with a male friend regarding a subject that had nothing to do with her. She kept on distracting me during the call, apparently feeling that I was talking “about her” and this got her initially agitated to the point of this episode. We had planned a dinner out together, which after the telephone incident, turned into more of a disaster. Frankly, it was embarrassing because she kept swearing throughout our meal, calling me names, belittling me and my older children, being loud and obnoxious to the point of me leaving the restaurant embarrassed beyond the normal. I ended up walking home and when she arrived home a few minutes later, the real onslaught began. She proceeded to call me every name in the book, tell me that she never wanted me to “Walk Our Daughter Down the Aisle” and hoped that I “croaked” before that even came about. She told me my older daughter & son (1st Marriage) were pieces of trash, my daughter had been thru 15 abortions, has (3) children from (3) different fathers and my son is a pothead piece of shit. They had absolutely nothing to do with this disagreement from the beginning, but as always, they get dragged thru the muck along with me and my idiotic family in general. Needless to say, this continue to escalate quite rapidly because I can only take so much and then I have a “gift” of verbal retaliation that I tend to (wrongly) use in these situations. What comes next is always the violence: She threw heavy pliers from our kitchen drawer at my striking me in the back and side, wire cutters struck me in the arm drawing blood, she bit my thumb to the point of bleeding and all of my fingers were black & blue from defensive wounds trying desperately to stop her, all in vain. She continued on to break several glasses, struck me on the cheek hard enough to send my glasses flying, broken into several pieces and twisted them up like a pretzel. Like many of the other “men” who have posted here, I feel defenseless and after I reach my breaking point, I strike back. My feeling is we should have a right to defend & protect ourselves, especially when leaving is not an option. I have tried that and it just resumes upon my return. My point for all of this is not to gain anyone s pity or to get people on my side, simply put, I agree with many of the other posters: We can’t call the police or authorities because they ALWAYS take the womans side , regardless of what happened: Did You Hit Her? Yes, I slapped her across the face and I sat on her to prevent her from doing more damage to me and to the house, and to herself until she settled down, which after about 1-1/2 hrs she did. So what is a spouse supposed to do? We are always looked at as the guilty party, but frankly in virtually 100% of the incidents that we have had, the violence was always instigated by my wife. The crazy thing throughout all of this is that I still Love my wife because deep down, she is a great person, other than during these “episodes”. The problem is, like all narcissists, she refuses to admit she is the problem, rather, it is always me and everyone else. Note that she is starting to display this type of same behaviour around our 15yr old daughter because she has lost “control” of the ability to get her to do what she wants 100% of the time. This has not gone unnoticed by me or by my daughter. So Where Do I Turn? I already know the answers to what happens if I retaliate. I was arrrested about 15 years ago in this relationship after one of my wifes friends called the police to report “me” for abuse. I should also add, my wife was a former Police Dispatcher in our small town, so she has an “in” automatically with the department, and trust me, she knows this all too well. Where Do I Go From Here?
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